Brooding on my continued incarceration in BK, I'm struck by how I'll never understand the Thai people. I rountinely get angry at the smallest of things - hawkers trying to drag me to inspect their crap wares, the bird sellers and their cruel cages, the baby elephants driven mad by the dense, rumbling traffic for the profit of lazy young men (not even mahouts). And of course the aggressive beggars. The elephant pimp trade isn't as bad outside BK, but in this roaring city,next to the sky train, the underground and the drum drum of buses, lorries and insanely loud two stroke tuk-tuks is nothing less than torture for these poor animals that can communicate for hundreds of miles through low frequencies in their natural habitats. I curse and shout at the pimps - 'jai dam!' (black heart) but all the Thais laugh at me. I explain my reasons to them, and they nod, smiling in agreement but still refuse to get upset about the practice. Mai pen rai - never mind.

The beggars that I loathe - those that pretend to have just one useful limb and drag themselves along the pavement pushing their begging bowl with their heads are waved at and smiled at by their fellow Thais. Even though, by their black deception, they earn far more than the honest folk of the restaurants or bars. I just don't get it. Mai pen rai.

In Thailand the first rule is to respect everyone. Fine. But the Thai people seem to respect even those that are robbers, liars, cheats and scoundrels. One Farang said he saw nothing wrong with the 'false' beggars 'maximising their begging opportunity'. I still don't get it. If I promised you 200% p/a on a stock based on false claims I'd be in the slammer before you could say Jack Robinson - and quite right too.

Annie, my bar owning friend, once told me how imprisoned the Farang people were. She'd been to the States once and was shocked at all the laws that people were required to adhere to. From speed limits to littering she felt scared to wander outside in case she broke some rule or other and was consequently punished. I laughed, come on! There are just as many rules in Thailand surely? She shrugged, of course, but nobody pays any attention to them, people live pretty much as they please. Mai pen rai. Case in point, in Sukhumvit there are warning signs in English against littering - $40 maximum fine! The only people that get copped of course are the Farang; the police know that local people have no money and ignore them their transgressions, but there's money in them there Farang wallets. Most people get copped for flicking cigarette stubs onto the pavement. Out of curiosity, there aren't any bins handy but logic doesn't seem to work in Thailand the same way it does in Farangland.

Thai people can also be incredibly racist, smiling to the face and expressing loathing behind. I was on an internet terminal the other day in a travel agent when some Indian chaps came in asking how much a call to Delhi would cost. After a few minutes, they decided the cost was too much and left. Immediately, the staff as one reached into their desks and produced cans of air freshner and while holding their noses in disgust proceeded to fumigate the place. Personally I smelt nothing out of the ordinary, and indeed it's my experience that those that smell the most piquant (i.e. sour or when was the last time you fucking washed?) are in fact Ferangs.

The go-go bars won't let anyone that looks like they're from the middle-east into their joints; they order one glass of water between them and promptly set about molesting the women apparently. 'Chocolate men' (black people) are also unpopular, with a reputation for stealing and getting unpleasantly drunk. Which quite bewilders me, as the only unpleasantly drunk people I've encountered in SE Asia generally speaking are, well, white Farang.

Continuing on the racist theme, there's also a curious pecadillo that I first encountered while talking with a bunch of young pretty gap-year white things while sailing down the Mekong from Burma to Laos. According to the general consensus nobody likes the Israelis. I wondered about this and when opportune, questioned others. There seems to be a consensus that Israeli travellers are pretty obnoxious and basically not worth the effort. Some claim to have seen 'No Israelis' signs in hotels in wealthier parts of SE Asia. Legend has it that they will bicker about just about anything to get the bill lowered even when the price is a handful of dollars a night. In most parts of SE Asia, you're grateful if your drop has a working light bulb, let alone try and haggle a discount because the paint is peeling. But the curious thing is that those that pass on this presumably urban legend are adamant that it's not anti-semitism, not anti-jewish, just anti-Israeli. Curious.

Back on the wild streets of Sukhumvit, BK, I'm aware at how un-Thai-like I am. Everyone seems to tolerate everyone else here, regardless of my own sensibilities. But Thai people, like most Buddhist centred SE Asian cultures, shouldn't be mistaken for a push over. They will put up with so much and then no more. And when they do react, it is with a passionate violence that exceeds the worst Farang outbursts. They don't go 'one on one' with a Farang that has persistently (and usually drunkenly) overstepped the mark. Rather, that unfortunate will be set upon by a knot of males with iron pipes, broken bottles and even worse - a gun.

'Face' is of paramount importance in Thai culture, to raise one's voice in temper is considered the height of bad manners no matter the justification. Everyone, even the beggars I so despise, deserves consideration and respect. Given my pious, western sense of moral outrage, coupled with my Celtic flame and temper, I could no more be Thai than I could be French.

And yet I love these people so dearly.

Oh bugger, mai pen rai......

yechydda,