Many people have short memories or probably didn't know that Bremer, the US appointed administrator in Iraq, was famous for wearing green army boots with a suit. The following humourous skit is quite prophetic, and Bremer receiving the presidents so called medal of freedom shows what a fantasy world the Bush administration and sadly to say, America lives in.

'Sir Mr President Sir!?'

'General Fuckup, good to see you, what have you got for me this morning?'

'Sir, uh, It's four in the afternoon sir.'

'It is? Time for tea then General and then afternoon prayers ah reckon!'

'Um, sir you have a visitor sir?'

'Ah do General? Is it that nice man Saddam again?'

'Um no sir, he's the enemy sir.'

'Oh! When did that happen? Ah thought he was a friend General Fuckup!'

'He used to be sir, but that was before we decided not to like him anymore.'

'Oh. Right then. Have you found that poodle with the wet nose that liked to lick mah behind?'

'Um, no sir Mr.Blair is back in the State of Great Britain sir.'

'Then who've ya got for me General, you knows ah don't like surprises. Show him in, General, show him in!'

'Sir, it's Mr.Paul Bremer sir, recently run away from, er that is returned from Eyerack sir.'

'Eyerack General? He was supposed to be in Eyeran!'

'Uh no Mr.President, you spelled the name wrong on the order sir, you meant to write Iran sir, but you actually wrote Iraq, so we invaded the wrong country.'

'Oh well General, we all make mistakes ah reckons, show Paul in.'

'Sir yes sir!'

'Why Paul! Long time no see, like the shoes, howsa doin?'

'Afternoon Mr. President sir, debriefing you over Eyerack sir.'

'Eyerack, now where's that darn tootin place again General?'

'In the Middle East sir.'

'In the mid-east eh, next to Ootah?'

'Er no, no sir, we've been through this sir, perhaps I can show you it on the maps in the Geography for Bold Little Warriors for Christ book later sir?'

'Wowee! Hot-diggity General ain't life a bunch of learnin Praise the Lord? Paul, go ahead, debrief me, look I'll even help and undo my belt gosh darn it, reminds me of my days at hazing days at Harvard when mah Daddy paid me to get in and paid for me to skip service, good ol Daddy - say, you love your Pa Paul?'

'Mr.President I'm here to bring you up to speed on Eyerack.'

'Where...?'

'Later Mr.President?'

'Right Genrl, right you are! Go ahead Paul!'

'Last week on 28th June I officially handed over full sovereignty to the Eyeracki people sir.'

'What in those boots Paul?'

'Um, yes sir.'

'Why Paul?'

'Not sure sir, nobodie's mentioned them before sir.'

'Probably didn't dare eh? Firm piece of governing like that Saddam fellow eh? Okay sit-rep me Paul, give me everything you've achieved over the last 14 months!'

'Well sir, first I let the liberated Eyerackis loot everything that we might have used to rebuild the country quickly.'

'Why was that Paul? Seems kinda contraire to me.'

'Im not sure sir.'

'Like the boots?'

'Sir I suppose so sir.'

'Go on Paul ah'm a listening - hell you didn't let them get the oil ministry did you?'

'Oh no sir, we protected that with the entire army sir!'

'Good man! General, give him a medal!'

'Mr.President, I'm not sure...'

'What colour one would you like Paul? I think a green one would go with them there boots.'

'Thankyou Mr.President. but I've already got a green one, got anything in purple...?'

'Mr.President, Mr.Bremer, if we could stick to the debrief...?'

'Okay General keep your hat on, go on Paul.'

'Well next I sacked all people responsible for the day to day running of Eyrack sir, including all people that owned baths as instructed sir.'

'Baths Paul?'

'Yes Mr.President sir, baths sir.'

'Um, Mr.President, if I could interrupt, I believe there was a typo in the orders sir.'

'There was General?'

'Yes sir, it should have been Baathists sir not Bathists. Very clean people the Eyerackis sir, most of them had baths or took a bath regularly sir.'

'So Paul, you got rid of all people who had baths or took regular baths or had heard of baths then?'

'Yes sir! Some we locked up and tortured so that we could find out if there were any other clean living towel heads out there sir. Bastards.'

'Okay, so that's a tiny little error right there then Paul, but hell, it's a mistake anyone could have made, Lord knows I've made a more'n a few humdingers in mah time eh General?'

'Sir yes sir.'

'What happened then Paul?'

'Sir next I sacked 400,000 soldiers in the Eyeracki army.'

'And this was because...?'

'Sir they were towel heads sir, had been exposed to baths and bath related activity and didn't like my boots sir.?

'Sounds like a nasty bunch Paul, but couldn't they have helped us secure the country?'

'Secure the country sir?'

'Um, Mr.President, there was another typo in the orders sir.'

'Ah'm ah listening General.'

'The order was supposed to have been to secure the country sir, but the stenographer was from Mexico sir, we gave her a green card if she would serve in the military so that our sons and daughters wouldn't have to sir. She accidentally typed ransack sir instead of secure sir, and had the American version of spellchecker on rather than the English version sir.'

'And where is she now General?'

'Uh, facing charges for prisoner abuse sir in Eyerack sir.'

'Is she guilty General?'

'Uh, is that important Mr.President sir?'

'Um, s'pose not Genrl. Carry on Paul - what happened to these disbanded army fellas?'

'Sir they became insurgents sir.'

'They what now with the detergent? More Bathists Paul?

'Um no Mr.President, they became highly motivated well trained rebels sir'

'Well I hope you dealt with them harshly Paul.'

'Sir, yes sir, we arrested their parents, kicked down their relatives and their relatives friend's servant's tennis-partners doors at midnight, imprisoned them indefinitely and tortured and humiliated them whenever possible sir.'

'Why the parents and relatives and relative's friend's servant's tennis partners Paul?'

'Er, the actual insurgents were too scary and knew how to fight sir.'

'Good point Paul. Wouldn'tcatch me a pickin a fight with them scary Koreans now. Then what happened?

'Sir, we carried on ransacking the country sir, taking out 20 billion dollars wortth of oil revenue?

'Sorry to interrupt Paul, we have the accounts for this?'

'Oh, yes sir we do sir! Here we are sir'

'Um, Paul, this piece of paper just has '20 billion dollars spent' written on it.'

'Yes Mr.President?'

'Um so what did we spend it on?'

'Spend it on? Well, some of our supporters in the US are building new swimming pools, I've got a new condo in Miami and the rest went on buying shares in arms firms and we gave a whole heap to the Israelis sir to spend on some sort of wall thing, not forgetting the money we owed to the Bin Laden family in Saudi sir.'

'Well I hope its all accounted for Paul.'

'Accounted for Mr.President?'

'Um, Mr.President, if I could interrupt once again?'

'Yes General - no don' tell me another typo?

'Um, no sir - you said on no account was anything to be traceable back to the US and especially you or Rumsfeld sir'

'Ah did?'

'Yes sir, he did.'

'Oh. Still, old Rummys always knows what he's doing. Carry on Paul. You sacked the army, incarcerated anyone with baths, made 20 billions dollars disappear without trace - when are we going to get to the good news? Hell you know ah hate the bad news, that's why ah always listen to Fox news who always tell me what I want to hear. Heck Paul, Ah'm beginnin to think you haven't achieved much out there in 14 months!'

'Sir, that's not true sir. A full five people now welcome us without having to be paid to do so and will dance and throw flowers spontaneously. I've given twelve Eyerackis full sovereignty as long they ask our permission first, arraigned Saddam in time for breakfast TV back in the US, and bought peace, stability and economic growth to a significant part of Eyerack sir.'

'That's pretty impressive Paul, where's this significant part of Eyerack we've made so prosperous and stable? We should be hearing about that on the news! Baghdad Paul?'

'Um, no sir, it's Luqhour, sir to the East of the country sir.'

'Well why isn't this all over the media Paul eh? Ah'm tellin you we've got to publicise these success stories!'

'Um sir, about Luqhour sir?'

'Yes General?'

Luqhour is on the Eyeranian border sir, population thirty sir, does a roaring trade with people taking things out of Eyrack and selling them to the Eyeranians at knock down prices'

'And why aren't our soldiers stopping them?'

'Um, well it's our soldiers that are selling the stuff sir, remember the ransack order sir?'

'Jumpin Jehosophat Genrl, isn't there anywhere where I can hear a good report from?'

'Not really sir, we don't really control most of Eyerack sir, never have, which is why we didn't dare hand over sovereignty as planned in case we got attacked si.'

[President sighs]

'Go on Paul.'

'Um, I passed a few important laws sir.

'Such as?'

'Well, even though Eyerack is in an anarchic freefall, I've banned freedom of the press, trade unions, censored western new sources, installed a hard man ex-CIA/MI5 Baathist operative as a puppet prime minister who's planning to introduce martial law and I made it illegal to drive with only one hand on the steering wheel sir.'*

Very important Paul, road safety, good job there! So let me see, and correct me if I'm wrong here, after 14 months of illegally occupying a country that was no threat to us whatever, had no WMDs and had nothing to do with 9/11, there is less electricity than before we invaded, more crime, kidnappings, murders, less oil being pumped, a Baathist is in nominal charge as long as he does everything we say, terrorist activity around the world has dramatically increased, North Korea and Iran are building bombs, Syria is hot on their heels and the entire world thinks we're a bunch of incapable morons. Would that be right Paul?

'Pretty much on the button as ever sir!'

'Are you going to take my pants down and debrief me now Paul?'

*This is actually true.