The finalisation of the new Iraqi constitution was delayed on Monday for one week following disagreement on its wording between Kurdish, Shia and Sunni delegates. Our on the spot ace reporter Roy Rubberplunger managed to interview one of the delegates, Ali Baba Chalabi.

'Well Roy, there were a few sticking points and we felt it better to delay the constitution by one week to make sure we got it absolutely right - it's worth the extra time, this is my country we're talking about, all mine. And besides, delaying it will embarrass and annoy those fucking Americans - do this, do that, put this in, leave that out...'

'I see, but there are areas of agreement then, points on which all three groups agree?'

'Why of course! Of course, let me assure you of that. We agree on many things. Many things.'

'Such as?'

'Well, we all hate the Americans for one, and we hate each other, boy do we loathe and despise one another, there's only one thing we hate more than each other....'

'The Americans Mr.Chalabi?'

'Yes, those fucking Americans Roy.'

'So what actually have you agreed on, eight months after the elections and after months of protracted negotiations?'

'We have all agreed what we shall call our country.'

'Er, Mr.Chalabi is that it?'

'Oh yes! And let me assure you we're all together on this one because there's bugger all chance our agreeing anything else in a month of Sundays!'

'So after all these months of haggling behind closed doors, all you've agreed is that you hate one another, you hate the Americans even more and the name of the country?'

'Absolutely Roy, and I also got a good price on a couple of ministries and some of Saddams old palaces - rugs included!'

'I see. Mr.Chalabi, are you in a position to tell us what the name of the country will in fact be?'

'Yes, yes I am Roy.'

'Er, and it is?'

'Ah, the name of the country Roy, and I want to stress our absolute agreement on this, the name of the country is to be.....Iraq.'

'Iraq.'

'Yes Roy, Iraq.'

'Mr. Chalabi thankyou for your time.'

'Thankyou Roy. I must go now, we're about to start dividing up the oil and I want to make sure I get my share, I mean my people get their share. Goodbye!'

'Goodbye Mr.Chalabi. Good grief. This is ace reporter Roy Rubberplunger for the Welsh Leek signing off in bombtown Baghdad.'

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