The king of Swaziland has ordered an end to a five year no-sex rite for teenage girls to try and reduce the spread of Aids in his tiny African kingdom.

Under the umchwasho chastity pledge any breach was punishable by a fine of one cow for anyone that violated a maiden.

The king himself was fined one cow when he breached the pledge by taking a teenage maiden for his ninth wife.

The pledge has been lifted ahead of the annual reed dance where the king can choose a wife from the countries bare breasted maidens as they perform before him. The hopeful maidens dream of having a mobile phone and other luxuries should the king select them.

Parents of teenage boys are glad that the pledge has been lifted, complaining that the fine was too steep. One farmer complained bitterly that the antics of his young son had cost him an entire herd.

A business student at Dartmouth university is marketing a new product called Hu-Fu aimed at vegetarian cannibals. It is basically tofu that tastes like human flesh. The student declined to comment on how Hu-Fu was product tested.

A man in Australia appeared in court last month on charges of animal cruelty and bestiality after the RSPC discovered 17 dead rabbits and one guinea pig. The 18 charges included 17 of animal cruelty and one of bestiality. The man claimed that he rabbits were for a bloody good stew and that the guinea pig was a bloody good shag and was gagging for it.

We've all been there. 3am in the morning and the neighbours burglar alarm goes off. You know that he's on holiday for the next six months. Or the neighbours car alarm goes off because there was a gust of wind or a sparrow farted and it doesn't stop for hours.

In LA recently a local man took the situation into his own hands when he pumped a hail of bullets from his semi-auto pistol into a parked car in order to get it to shut up. He was arrested and charged and could face up to 44 months in prison and $10,000 in fines.

On the subject of cars, a woman in BK recently was fed up of the problems she was experiencing with her brand new car. Frustrated with the car companies refusal to replace it despite a long list of complaints, she drove the car to the dealership where she'd purchased it. From the boot she produced a sledge hammer and proceeded to demolish the car in front of bemused onlookers. The story made the newspapers and the car company swiftly issued a new car and an apology. More strength to your arm madam!

Mr.Taitt lost his black labrador dog, Archie at Inverurie station near Aberdeen, East Scotland. Distraught, he searched for faithful Archie but to no avail, all he could hope for was that someone would find him and read his dog-tag.

Meanwhile, Archie waited patiently at the station for his master. Eventually a train pulled in and Archie decided to get on it. Fifteen minutes later Archied got off at the correct station, having boarded the correct train. A bemused ticket inspector at the station held Archie 'because he didn't have a valid ticket' until Mr.Tait arrived and claimed him.

People who pick their noses regularly and eat the dried remains are healthier, happier and more in tune with their bodies than those who don't according to Dr.Bischinger, an Austrian doctor. Apparently the finger has a good reach and can clean the nostrils better than a tissue. The nose traps all sorts of bacteria while filtering air on the way to the lungs. When eaten, these boogers give a heathy boost to the bodies immune system. Apparently.

yechydda,